roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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