Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
