Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
