i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
