How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
my liver is dry heaving
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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