Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
