is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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