I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
They have beer where we have blood.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
