Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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