I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
sarcasm needs its own font
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
