I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
