If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She told me I should be a condom model.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
