she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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