Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
