Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
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