Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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