So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
