If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
