it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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