i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
