My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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