this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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