So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
