if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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