please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
