think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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