thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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