I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so let's talk penis.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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