Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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