What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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