google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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