We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
