I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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