I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
