Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
His nipple licking is glorious
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