Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
