sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
