I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
