I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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