She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
