is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
