party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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