bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
