Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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