it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
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