You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
