People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
