my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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