I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
