you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
