I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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