any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I wish there were birth control emojis
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
