would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
