and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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