This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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