She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
