Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
