you turned your livingroom into a bong?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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