I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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