I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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