I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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