There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
