i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
