I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
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It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
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There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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