in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
