you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
