a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm always down for nudity.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
