So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
