I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
