i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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