There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
