you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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