i was born a porn star she said
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
