Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
